As the country she loves plunges into economic and social meltdown, a white Zimbabwean woman writes to her family in Britain about life amid runaway inflation, police repression and a defeated people.
Hello, darling
Home. Strange but familiar. Scary but welcoming. Three months away from Zimbabwe is a lifetime. People in normal countries return to their homes after a time away to find nothing changed. Not here. The drive home is spent dodging the same old potholes, ducking and diving with the cars and lorries belting across crossroads where traffic lights still don’t work, staring out at the rusted and buckled street lamps that have had unsuccessful altercations with Zimbabwe’s death-defying drivers.
And home – with its magnificently flowering petrea entwined with yellow and white banksia roses, the heavily scented Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow (brunsfelsia) bush of purple, mauve and white blossoms, the bougainvillea spilling great masses of scarlet and cerise blossoms over the driveway, the delicate pink and white bauhinia spreading its tangled branches, all under a flawless, balmy, blue sky, so warmly embracing. I loved coming home… to the hysterically barking dogs and Moses, standing at the front door with his broad, delighted grin displaying the loss of another front tooth.
Until, that is, I decided to tackle the shops. The Mazda, left in June safely parked and locked in the garage, provided me with my first shock. The upper side of the boot had a rumpled look to it and it was a different white from the rest of the car. I sought out Moses, dear trusty concerned Moses, majordomo, carer, friend.
“Have you anything to tell me, anything that happened while I was away that I should know about?†I asked.
“Well I told you I broke a plate and that I used your cooking oil; but nothing else,†he replied in a puzzled tone.
“Nothing on the property,†I probed gently. “Nothing to the car?â€
And so the story emerged. Apparently Moses (whose driving lessons I had sponsored earlier this year – coincidentally?) had decided to wash the car and, for an inexplicable reason, had pushed it out of the garage and it had “rolled†into a pillar. This, he claimed, had buckled the boot. So he found a hammer, used it to try and iron out the creases in the metal (unsuccessfully), bought/borrowed/begged (a shifting account here) an aerosol can of white paint – and sprayed. Why hadn’t he told me on my regular phone calls from England, or my friends keeping an eye on the house? “I forgot,†he said, eyes blank and depthless. “It was a mistake.â€
Perhaps I overreacted. But I was consumed by the sense of betrayal – betrayal unhappily too common here in these troubled days – which upset me far more than the damage to the car.
Shock No 2 was TM Supermarket. Somehow I thought the stories and pictures of empty supermarkets were an exaggeration. But they weren’t. Outside the shop was a motley gathering of mainly women and children. The effect was one of darkness and drabness (worn, torn, grubby clothes), weariness and defeat (unsmiling, silent hopelessness). I asked a woman what she was waiting for. Perhaps bread, she shrugged, or sugar or maybe mealie meal [the staple]. But more likely nothing.
I went into the shop. And the empty shelves and freezers took my breath away as fresh memories of yesterday’s Sainsbury’s and Waitrose obscenely filled my mind. Many of the metal shelves were entirely bare; others contained a single row of one commodity. For instance the tinned vegetables shelf was taken up with can upon can of tomato purée – and nothing else. Another “full†shelf held a line of loo rolls, while packets of loose tealeaves decorated another. The only meat was packets of one brand of pork sausages and another of frankfurters. There were no dairy products – milk, butter, cheese – no eggs or bread or biscuits or cereal or flour or sugar… but there was a small selection of fresh vegetables and one brand of washing powder.
I left the shop with a packet of washing powder and two tins of grapefruit segments – the only tinned fruit. My three items came to Z$533,000 – about 90p. Living here, I thought, is going to be cheap; not to mention provide a fast-track diet.
Love and miss you, darling, Mummy
Hi darling
Yesterday was a bad day. As you know, I didn’t leave my potent English bug behind along with the cheddar cheese I couldn’t squeeze into my ridiculously laden hand-luggage. So feeling really rough, dragged myself to the doctor and she put me on an antibiotic and a course of vitamin B injections to try and boost my flagging system. She also told me that the results from a sugar test, done before I left here, had shown I was pre-diabetic and I was to go on to a sugar-free diet. Hmmm, I said, that’s not too hard here; just as well you’re not telling me to go on to a sugar diet.
This new medical development, with the high blood pressure and high cholesterol, apparently is just another indication of Zimbabwe’s endemic stress level. Talking of which, I suggested perhaps I should come off the old Prozac. It’s been a long time. Wait, she advised. You’ve been back in the country only a matter of hours. I’m putting patients on to Prozac, not taking them off.
I had chatted to a patient in the waiting room. She came here from England a couple of years ago with her family in search of a “better life†– and found it. “There’s no way I’d go back to the UK,†she said. “I’d much rather scout round for fuel and food here than bring my kids up there. We had no quality of life. I had two jobs, running ragged, and my kids were being brought up by child carers. What kind of family life is that? Here they have open space, sunshine and a mother and father.â€
My doctor was very kind and understanding of my pecuniary circumstances. She charged me only Z$1 million (£1.80) for the consultation and first injection. The pharmacist wasn’t so sympathetic. My monthly medication and the antibiotic came to more than Z$13 million. I reeled. In real money that’s just over £20 at yesterday’s black-market rate. But all those zeroes are frightening and it’s amazing how easily they add up to lots of pounds.
I came home with my bag (we don’t use purses here any more; they’re simply too small) a good deal lighter than when I went out (Z$14 million are a lot of notes) and found an electricity cut. The power’s off most days, but apart from not being able to use the computer, I don’t mind it too much during the day. I try to get up around five in the morning, boil the kettle and put some hot water in a Thermos. On the days I don’t wake in time to carry out this ritual, it’s pretty miserable. Usually the power’s off all day, so I’m parched by evening.
But it’s the black nights I hate most. Last night was awful. I came home from walking the dogs on the golf course and heard that dreaded deep-throated burrrr of the surrounding generators, and found the house still in darkness. I don’t use my baby generator. Somehow it seems extravagant to spend a few hard-to-come-by litres of petrol on the couple of lights and television it will power.
Cathy had left me some candles. I searched in vain for matches. I lay in bed in that thick enveloping African blackness, sick and hungry, lonely and despairing, worrying that Moses was a good deal less faithful than I had believed… and I decided everyone has a line in life that they can’t cross. And I feared that perhaps I’d reached mine.
I’ve now heard that British Airways is stopping its thrice-weekly direct London-Harare flight. A friend, whose daughter booked and paid in May to come home from England to Zimbabwe this Christmas, has been advised by BA that she will be refunded her money (which the airline has had the use of all these months). But the new fare will be more than twice the amount she receives because the route now takes in a stop-over in Johannesburg.
And so our isolation continues, our troubles worsen.
Sorry I’m so maudlin. I love you, Mummy
Dearest darling
Thought I’d better send the following e-mail as a guideline for our future communications: PLEASE TAKE NOTE AS THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS MATTER WHICH NEEDS TO BE CLEARLY UNDERSTOOD.
As you might have read in the papers, the INTERCEPTION OF TELECOMMUNICATIONS or THE ANTITERRORISM AND COMMUNICATIONS BILL is now LAW.
PLEASE BE WARNED AGAINST SENDING e-mails with political connotations, or any unfriendly verbatim, like the use of known nicknames of political figures. The Mail-Marshal can easily detect these. Let’s try to avoid any unwarranted arrests in our individual capacities, or as a company (companies can be sued according to the companies Act chapter 23 section 12).
You might also want to advise any colleagues who you might have been in the habit of exchanging potentially dangerous political views/jokes over e-mail. Your landline phones are also not spared from this. Mobile phones can also be tapped but only to a certain extent.
Not sure what constitutes “terrorist-inspired†musings between mother and daughter, but had better watch my Ps and Qs.
If I’m struggling to find food, can’t imagine how the 80 per cent (actually, now considered closer to 90 per cent) of unemployed are managing. No wonder they appear so thin and emaciated. And from being a nation of jolly, pleasant, contented people (as Zimbabweans were by repute and fact), those men, women and children who tramp the dusty streets unable to afford the bus fare home, look as though a smile requires more effort and energy than they have.
I drove out to Borrowdale Brooke to visit Jill last week. As I passed the powder blue-painted walls – disappearing in every direction to beyond where the eye could see and guarded by camouflage-clad, rifle-at-the-ready, sinister-looking men whose stance definitely discouraged eye contact – sheltering ******* rambling multi-roomed residence, I marvelled at the man’s lack of conscience at his people’s anguish. And those people’s passive acceptance of their sorry lot.
Today heard the British Shadow Chancellor telling the Tory conference: We have changed our party to face the modern world; now let’s change our country. Thunderous applause and acclaim in a country that to us is little short of Utopia (with its freedom, democracy, rights, choice – not to mention food)… and yet here, where there are no such things, we have no such promises. Just a governing party that expects its 27-year rule under one man to continue through next year’s ********* into a never-ending inglorious future.
Delighted to find the Borrowdale Brooke Spar far better stocked than TM Supermarket. Bought heavy brown sugar, Nescafé, light bulbs, dog biscuits, carrots, a packet of pork sausages AND butter (I salivate at the memory) for a cool Z$5 million (possibly what many receive for a month’s work). Now on a diet of sausage and sausage and more sausage. By Friday I was desperate for stodge. I wanted to feel full. I longed for thickly cut, generously spread, bread and butter. But I’ve seen no bread since my return.
So I set off to find flour. Not in the shops, of course, which haven’t had flour on their shelves for months, but from within the “informal trading sectorâ€. (The wheat crop failed, we are mollified by a government report, because of constant power failures – no mention being made of the fact that all those commercial farmers who used to supply this bread basket of Africa were hounded from their now mostly fallow lands.)
These traders operate from well outside the shops, and as you approach their territory you are surrounded by feral-looking men, eyes darting on the constant lookout for police charged with plugging the thriving black market: madam, madam, they screech, elbowing their fellow hawkers away, and proffering cartons of cigarettes – no longer available in the shops of this once prime tobacco-growing nation – while suggesting, sugar, cooking oil, and mealie meal can be obtained. I make my shopping request: flour.
All but one man fall away to descend on another potential customer. My man, who introduces himself as Eddie, starts the long haul of negotiation. Six million for 5kg, he offers. Four million, I counter. And so we haggle. In the end I paid Z$4,600,000 (£6.50), thrilled with the deal and yearning to make muffins and scones and biscuits and pizza… but I had no power that night and none for 13 hours the following day. But what a magnificent Saturday night I had… cooking and baking AND eating. In haste for the kitchen, all love, Mummy
My darling
I write in some trepidation. Went to dinner with Lizzie and Lindy the other evening and heard a horror story. Apparently Lizzie’s boss arranged to meet a client for a working breakfast at a coffee shop. When she got back to the office, she was met by a number of plain-suited men. They identified themselves as policemen and wanted to know who she had met, why and what had been discussed. We live in a country where our rights have been totally eroded – and we accept that as the status quo. Scary.
Meanwhile, costs continue to spiral. Moses – who hasn’t had meat for months – found some dried fish (kapenta) the other day for Z$900,000. Of course, he didn’t have the money to buy it. So I gave him it the next day, but when he got to the shop it cost Z$1.4 million. Having not learnt the dither-at-your-peril lesson (golfers buy their mid-game drinks at the start of the 18 holes because their prices will have increased by the ninth hole), I gave Moses the money the following day. The wretched fish by then was Z$2.2 million – and when he went back for the third time, it had sold out. Sod’s Law.
Had a similar experience with the cars’ tax this week. I could buy the single-term tax for only one car because, as I reached the counter, the office ran out of one-term discs. It cost an extraordinarily reasonable Z$30,000 (20p). When I went back the following day to tax the second car, the identical one-term tax cost Z$480,000. How’s that for inflation?
Just been chatting to Maximus at the gate. Grizzled and looking his age – he tells me he was born in 1927 – he still cycles round the suburbs selling vegetables. I was shocked at the price of his potatoes (a million for 2kg). Ah madam, he apologised; this country. What will happen to us God only knows. My heart breaks for him and the millions of others suffering under these unbearably harsh conditions. I asked him if he was still making a living. Barely, he replied, but for the help of a granddaughter living and working in England as a nurse.
Not only is Maximus physically fit, but he’s mentally as sharp as a pin. Getting off his bike and rubbing his steel-grey wire-brush head in memory of better times, he reminisced about the Federation (you wouldn’t know, but that was of Northern and Southern Rhodesia and Nyasaland – Zambia, Zimbabwe and Malawi, 1953-1963) and what good years they had been. “I can’t understand why this country had to seek revenge,†he mused. “Swaziland and Basutoland, South Africa and Botswana, Malawi and Zambia, Tanganyika (oh no, they were ruled by the Germans) and Kenya, Ghana… they fought for their freedom but they didn’t seek revenge from the British. It confuses me why this country had to attack the white people.â€
And me. With perhaps only 25,000 Zimbabwean whites left in the country (at its peak there were 250,000), we are right down to those committed to the country because they so choose – or they have no other choice. We are a largely ageing population, at ease in a society that has forged a network of friendship, affection and community-ministering through a tough and testing shared history. To what alien world do we turn with a suitcase and a truckload of useless Zimbabwe dollars?
Is this the Final Push? First the farms – with any white farmer remaining on his land now considered to be trespassing – now last week’s Indigenisation and Empowerment law calling for 51 per cent of all foreign and white-owned businesses to be given to black Zimbabweans; how long before our homes?
Returned to exercises this morning, held on Cathy’s lawn under the spread of the most magnificent Jacaranda tree. We twist our torsos and flex our limbs, stretch spirits and souls, while staring up at a lacey purple canopy filtering an emerging sun in a duck blue sky. The birds are in full voice, banks of dazzling spring colour flank us, the dogs race round as I watch a colony of ants on the march away from this group of middle aged women working their bodies as they do all over the world… but surely seldom in such magical surroundings.
I guess, simply, this is where I belong.
My love, Mummy
(Source)